Blooper - Spicy Kiss of a Virgin ;-)

"Humor Cureth Tumor"

If you see all my previous posts, you will find them to be too serious. Before my collar button got too tight and choked me, i decided to open it and write easy with a dash of humour. The most credible and a successful way to make the world laugh with you is laugh on your ownself without killing yourself with self-pity (Apne pe hans kar jag ko Hansaao). Here is my first attempt at recording a silly, funny and real incident that happened not long ago.

Spicy Kiss of a Virgin

It was just my third day at work with a leading international media firm which had just opened its shop in India with most of my previous colleagues joining at different levels here. I was glad to join my best ever bosses who i missed for about 5 months since i had left the last place, when i had worked and joined another reputed ad agency with a not so reputed work culture. I jokingly told my boss that it felt as though i had taken a 5 month leave and rejoined since i saw the same faces, but a new company and office.

People usually write about their first day at work. The speciality of my third and fourth day at work is the fact that it was spent at a lavish 5 star property in Mumbai by the Juhu beach - The J W Marriott. The company had hosted an event for its prestigious prospective readers who came from the senior-most technology ranks of Boards of large and medium level enterprises, from Public and private sector. Head of Banks, stock exchange, telecom companies, BPOs were all there for a nice lavish dinner and cocktails. The party was to announce the entry of the company and its reputed international brands in India.

So there i was, excited about the nice blazer i was wearing and those good glances it drew towards itself and the one fitting not-so-perfect in it. I was wearing my forced close-up smile as i escorted the senior guests some of who remembered me and were quick to identify me with my last company where i had met them on similar events.

After the sessions were over it was time for the guests to rush to the cocktail counter, where we had skillful bartenders lending their ears to multiple requests like a CISCO 32 port switch which most of these Tech chaps would have employed within their organization to network equally loud and demanding computer nodes. But the live and skillful bartender never went on a "server down" mode.

I decided to pick my goblet after i saw the crowd getting settled a bit, when i was busy chewing peanuts awaiting my turn for the glass. I was not in a hurry because there was plenty of fruit juice waiting for a teetotaller as me. The "higher" and "deeper" spirits however were guzzled off at a higher velocity.


Encounter with the Bartender
The bartender took a deep breath after serving the last guest. He exhaled and asked me .."What can i make for you sir?". I asked him "What can you make for me in fruit juices?" .. "Can i blend a mocktail sir?" he was quick to answer.... I looked at a nice red enticing container of Tomato Juice .."Ah tomato juice! that looks exciting. What can you make with it?"

I saw a glitter in the bartender's eye and with a strong voice he said

"Can i blend a BLOODY Mary?"...

The sound of that reminded me of a review of that drink written by Veer (beer) Sanghavi in a cocktails column... "thats got Alcohol!!" i exclaimed as though my virginity was under threat.

"I will make a VIRGIN BLOODY Mary" .. Ahhh Virginity of the teetotaller assured and protected.. courtesy Bartender

I responded with excitement without watching my words. To the bartender i exclaimed :

"Alright MAKE ME A VIRGIN!! Full glass! Extra Strong!"

My loud excited declaration invited louder backward glances with few hicupps too. Few of the looks were full of hopes of regaining something dear that they lost few years back. Those hopeful looks also shifted to the bartender to whom it was requested with utmost vigour and confidence.

The DJ (Drinks Jockey) bartender, got to his mixing, while one of the hopefuls - my colleague came to me and asked "Can he really do it??". I looked at the recently engaged chap and asked him "You mean you are not?? Hope you have told your partner about it!!" . We shared a loud chuckle while i sipped my virgin with her lips coated with salt and spicy tabasco sauce. Pointing at the bartender I told my friend " Imagine if he could actually make you a virgin? Before asking me whether he could do it, did you have any idea how would he do it?"

"SUI AUR DHAAGA... NEEDLE AND THREAD!!" shouted my another colleague answering my boss in some other context, but in close rhyme with my question. My colleague and i burst into a laughter that shook the chandeleirs and the false ceiling... and we exclaimed "OUCH!!"

I continue to remain a Lover of Virgin but Bloody Mary with her tangy tomato, Spicy tabasco and a dash of salt on the glass rim.

Virginately yours ;-)

Nagesh Pai