The "Check Your Weight Sir" Girl

(encounter on the foothills of the Jivdani Shrine, Virar)

Got a breather after a long time, even as the hot n' humid weather of Mumbai still awaits a break from the cribs of Mumbaikars tortured by it. Few moments back was going through the blogs of my close friends Ananth and Aparna who have beautifully described their yearning for the deluge.

The weatherman's prediction has been proving jinx for the rains, for whenever he predicts a storm there is a lull!

The advent of monsoon, or atleast the thought of it, brings to my mind my trip to the Jivdani Shrine which i did during two monsoons, just when the rains started. Both the times i had an inner urge that drove me to the shrine The first time around i did not even know how to get there from the station. But i did find trusted waypoints to the place. The Shrine is located on a hilltop which is about half hour walk from the Virar Railway station. To reach the temple we need to climb 1000 and odd steep steps which takes another half hour for an average person. When it starts raining, the rainwater gushes through the steps carrying red vermillon (Kumkum) with it offered by devotees, and we see a stream of blood red going all the way.

During my second visit there, i was gratified by a beautiful Darshan of the Goddess and that of her humble creation who waited for me during my descent. I was busy smelling the breeze which had the freshness of raindrops and the fragrance of herbs of the hill. I was distracted by a sweet shrill voice that summoned me "Saheb Wazan check kar lo please...sirf Do rupaye " (Sir please check your weight, only 2 rupees) and her dark tiny hands, washed in raindrops, pointed to a primitive weight checker that lay at her feet. I was reluctant and i moved further.. the child was persistent and used the mercy card.. "Sir please check your weight because i need to eat something from what you will pay"

I budged and removed my wet shoes before checking my weight. Looking at the dial i said "Oh my God, 70 kilos!! are you sure your machine reads the weight right??". The Kid chuckled pointing to the canteen on the hilltop saying "Sir I am sure you would have had some great Misal pav there" .. i was surprised that she guessed my meal right! by not watching my weight, but my expressions. I smiled at her.. i emptied al the change in my pocket which came to about the fee of checking my weight ten times. In my mind i still maintained that i was not 70 kgs :-)... maybe it was the weight of my rain-drenched clothes.

But the day today sees me a little heavier than 70 despite my dry clothes, no extra luggage and yes... no rains from the skies ... sigh!

Prince and Vine

Prince & Vine
(When two galaxies collide!)

Before you start dreaming about prince charming or perhaps the luring aroma and taste of a mis-spelt drink, I must start this story with a neat clarification to avoid later disappointment. You will surely not find your Prince charming hiding in the story line, nor will you derive the pleasure of a fine aged matured.. Vine oops wine. But whats assured for you, my dear reader, is a funny observation that may tickle your ribs. An observation of a rather unusual event when inhabitants of two different galaxies meet. Seeing their diversity, you would still feel east and west are close neighbors, but these two are indeed a universe apart. But still there is this one common string that binds them both.. Lets together find it out!

The story is about two of my dear online friends who refer to me as "anna" (big brother) out of respect and teasing grace. Both of them are connected to me through a community networking site which increased the size of my known friendly universe by multiples that cant be measured by mathematics. They also chat with me frequently over Yahoo IM and exchange notes of their days with mine.

Introductions

Enter Prince:

Bombay has a new bhai (brother), or should i say behan??.. someone who rules if not the city but the heart of her friends and admirers galore.

Almost as young as me, Prince (name changed, her actual name closely resembles this nick, and She, yes its a she!!!, Rocks and Rules like a prince). She is the younger of her siblings but takes care of her home like the man of the house, shouldering all the responsibilities of her home.

Working in the Advertising and media industry you would expect her to be pretty jovial and full of perennial energy. Your expectations will be surely exceeded,as much as i know about Prince! Ever dressed in her smart casuals and dressed with a smile, Boldness in her speech with a masculine twang in her self-address, you will ask yourself.. "is it only boost that is the secret of her energy??" No one would dare say ... Our energy :-D


Introducing.... (drum roll) Vine!

At this moment i visualize Vine, the young software quality tester enjoying quality time rushing to the biriyani restaurant of old hyderabad, tossing her long hair-plait that may whip a passerby. Her long dupatta or could be her saree whorls ride on the vortices of a passing breeze that just caressed the nearby Charminar of old hyderabad (Yes thats where she is!!)


Her biggest charm which explains her beauty is her amazing simplicity and bubbling energy that expresses through her chuckling laughter. I still remember the day she had told me that she had a target of fighting with at least X' number of friends in a week. Afterall friendship is dry without fights, she says.

But the bubbling charm of Vine also has a more responsible side behind the scenes, where being the eldest sibling, she manages many responsibilities back at her home.


The announcement:

After a nice long day at work, i rested as usual in front of my "babe" (people call her PC) connected through yahoo messenger to all my online friends, like neo in matrix connected to the "Real world". Just when i was about to check my email pop came a message from Prince

"Guess what anna, I am going to hyderabad!!". She sounded like a prisoner of the "anda" cell who was just being promised her release. Her prison... her cubicle, she would kill me if i describe the jailor and the jailhouse rock that plays at her office, where i had been once in the evening to find a competing agency to WWF wrestling. Save the fact that here there was no referee or a scorekeeper, and sadly no prize :-) except for a spectator like me who had a audio visual delight.

So i now move away from her office.. Prince was delighted about her visit to Hyderabad, and also about meeting a friend who had been known only through the community site and yahoo--- Vine! We had kept the spirit of our online group alive and kicking by encouraging offline meets over walks and coffee. But here was a two member two city meet which was worth observing.


Minutes after Prince told me about her trip, Vine sent across an excited message too."Anna, guess what Prince is gonna visit Hyderabad and I am going to receive her at the airport and have a great time!!". I said.."WOW" and then revealed gently that prince did mention it.

Now i was waiting for the day these two would meet. I was reminded of a planetaurium screening that i had seen.."When two galaxies collide". I was hoping to see that again outside the Planetaurium dome and through the words of Prince and Vine since neither i could go to Hyderabad, nor did i want to disturb their meeting from its natural course.

Prince after that day seemed pretty busy and seldom came online or responded with a delay to chat messages. She was busy wrapping up her work, so that the Jailor couldn't extend her term under any circumstance.


The Appointment Day

Finally the D-day arrived with absolute silence, as expected since the two of them would be far away from the Internet, meeting in the real world, casting off masks from each others faces. Unveiling myth-filled impressions that we usually tend to set about each other!

But before they could do all that, they did prove a corollary "Everything great as this universe starts with a BANG".


The Big Bang

Clad in her ruff and tuff jeans and a hep sports top, Prince saw Hyderabad through the soothing shades of one of her many sunglasses that i had once seen filling her office drawer. Her heartbeat grew its frequency, hoping to see a software engineer clad in casual weekend wear. She waited at the airport exit almost beginning to wonder whether Vine had got the flight and time noted correctly!


Just when Prince was about to make a call... She felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. When she turned around she did recognize the face, but her jaw opened wide with surprise breathing in a whole lot of Hyderabadi air! She exhaled it spellbound squealing... "Vine!!!" What caught her by surprise is the Way Vine was bottled... err i mean dressed :-)

She stood there with a Namaskaar dressed in a pink saree with her hair neatly plaited as usual, though i am not sure whether she wore a flower on her head. But for a moment Prince was reminded of the Indian Airlines airhostess who she just bid adieu at the aircraft. However the smile here was natural, and the weight far less in kilograms :-D as compared to the Airhostess. (FYI Indian Airlines is considered an overweight airline and we cant blame the luggage, passengers or Airbus, Boeing for it :-) ) The only thing that stood in a wierd contrast with her pink saree was a Green bag. The green bag was supposed to carry a camera which was lying now safe in Vine's office drawer under lock. She later told me her regrets of forgetting that camera, for Prince's first expression was a Kodak moment!

Vine had a pinch of surprise too. Though she had expected a mumbai media girl to be clad in weekend wear, she did not expect Ms. Sporty Spice fire-over-ice.

They exchanged a warm hug as they found out more and more about their respective galaxies. The togetherness that followed during the evening, showed a very beautiful pattern. The similarities now showed up.. both of them loved to eat Bhel and junk food from stalls. Both of them loved ice cream but avoided it for their own reasons. Both of them felt that they were still far away from finding a suitable partner from within their community. I hope not all girls feel the same else i will need to start a bachelors community for traditional saraswat boys :-) who wouldnt go intercaste :-)

The exchanges continued towards a memorable day together till they finally had to say good-bye for the moment, with hopes of meeting again in person sometime.

Prince rode off with her mumbai grace exploring the Hyderabadi flavours and Vine left towards her abode, dispersing her fragrance to her paths that awaited her smiling pass-by daily!

My starfilled eyes then imagined this story with my lazy fingers typing it today, days after the actual incident.

Happy Encounters!

Nagesh Pai

Blooper - Spicy Kiss of a Virgin ;-)

"Humor Cureth Tumor"

If you see all my previous posts, you will find them to be too serious. Before my collar button got too tight and choked me, i decided to open it and write easy with a dash of humour. The most credible and a successful way to make the world laugh with you is laugh on your ownself without killing yourself with self-pity (Apne pe hans kar jag ko Hansaao). Here is my first attempt at recording a silly, funny and real incident that happened not long ago.

Spicy Kiss of a Virgin

It was just my third day at work with a leading international media firm which had just opened its shop in India with most of my previous colleagues joining at different levels here. I was glad to join my best ever bosses who i missed for about 5 months since i had left the last place, when i had worked and joined another reputed ad agency with a not so reputed work culture. I jokingly told my boss that it felt as though i had taken a 5 month leave and rejoined since i saw the same faces, but a new company and office.

People usually write about their first day at work. The speciality of my third and fourth day at work is the fact that it was spent at a lavish 5 star property in Mumbai by the Juhu beach - The J W Marriott. The company had hosted an event for its prestigious prospective readers who came from the senior-most technology ranks of Boards of large and medium level enterprises, from Public and private sector. Head of Banks, stock exchange, telecom companies, BPOs were all there for a nice lavish dinner and cocktails. The party was to announce the entry of the company and its reputed international brands in India.

So there i was, excited about the nice blazer i was wearing and those good glances it drew towards itself and the one fitting not-so-perfect in it. I was wearing my forced close-up smile as i escorted the senior guests some of who remembered me and were quick to identify me with my last company where i had met them on similar events.

After the sessions were over it was time for the guests to rush to the cocktail counter, where we had skillful bartenders lending their ears to multiple requests like a CISCO 32 port switch which most of these Tech chaps would have employed within their organization to network equally loud and demanding computer nodes. But the live and skillful bartender never went on a "server down" mode.

I decided to pick my goblet after i saw the crowd getting settled a bit, when i was busy chewing peanuts awaiting my turn for the glass. I was not in a hurry because there was plenty of fruit juice waiting for a teetotaller as me. The "higher" and "deeper" spirits however were guzzled off at a higher velocity.


Encounter with the Bartender
The bartender took a deep breath after serving the last guest. He exhaled and asked me .."What can i make for you sir?". I asked him "What can you make for me in fruit juices?" .. "Can i blend a mocktail sir?" he was quick to answer.... I looked at a nice red enticing container of Tomato Juice .."Ah tomato juice! that looks exciting. What can you make with it?"

I saw a glitter in the bartender's eye and with a strong voice he said

"Can i blend a BLOODY Mary?"...

The sound of that reminded me of a review of that drink written by Veer (beer) Sanghavi in a cocktails column... "thats got Alcohol!!" i exclaimed as though my virginity was under threat.

"I will make a VIRGIN BLOODY Mary" .. Ahhh Virginity of the teetotaller assured and protected.. courtesy Bartender

I responded with excitement without watching my words. To the bartender i exclaimed :

"Alright MAKE ME A VIRGIN!! Full glass! Extra Strong!"

My loud excited declaration invited louder backward glances with few hicupps too. Few of the looks were full of hopes of regaining something dear that they lost few years back. Those hopeful looks also shifted to the bartender to whom it was requested with utmost vigour and confidence.

The DJ (Drinks Jockey) bartender, got to his mixing, while one of the hopefuls - my colleague came to me and asked "Can he really do it??". I looked at the recently engaged chap and asked him "You mean you are not?? Hope you have told your partner about it!!" . We shared a loud chuckle while i sipped my virgin with her lips coated with salt and spicy tabasco sauce. Pointing at the bartender I told my friend " Imagine if he could actually make you a virgin? Before asking me whether he could do it, did you have any idea how would he do it?"

"SUI AUR DHAAGA... NEEDLE AND THREAD!!" shouted my another colleague answering my boss in some other context, but in close rhyme with my question. My colleague and i burst into a laughter that shook the chandeleirs and the false ceiling... and we exclaimed "OUCH!!"

I continue to remain a Lover of Virgin but Bloody Mary with her tangy tomato, Spicy tabasco and a dash of salt on the glass rim.

Virginately yours ;-)

Nagesh Pai